I’m nearing the end of the internship.

I’m going to miss it. Certainly there are some days when you would rather stay in bed. Sometimes the PA will rub you the wrong way or blame you for something that is entirely his fault. Sometimes you’ll be assigned to log seemingly endless tapes of b-roll and become nostalgic for the days before flash cards, the days when cameramen had to think out their shots instead of erratically capturing whatever strikes their fancy. Sometimes you’ll question why talent can’t grab their own lunch, or why they have to have caffeine-free Coke and caffeine-free Pepsi—pick one or the other, or pick something easier to find, or just refrain from drinking soda altogether. 

Somedays, however, you get to lead a stampede of Candace Bailey cutouts through a banner while dancing around maniacally as confetti and streamers fall from the ceiling. These are the days I will miss. 

Why would a 21 year old college student not be excitedly clapping/ogling the 2007 Playmate of the year being motorboated by a former junior olympian? 

I’ve become jaded. I’ve seen so many celebrities, so many perfectly sculpted bro bros and bro hoes (no need to be offended, it’s a term of endearment), so many strange sexual acts performed by costumed bears and the like. Is nothing exciting anymore? Will I ever again be wowed by the sun cresting over the pacific ocean or an explosion of stars in the desert sky? Do the Pyramids of Giza or the Great Wall still hold any allure? Has the magic been stripped from my life never to return? 

No, I’m just exaggerating. The only thing I’ve really lost excitement for is celebrities. Some people still have a death-grip on their celebrity lust, positioning themselves in places where they might run into Ryan Seacrest or constantly talking about Kim Kardashian’s newest antics.

The truth that I’ve discovered is that these people are just as interesting as everyone else, if not less so. The fact that they are beautiful and were able to make it in this industry speaks to their persistence and drive, but being put in front of a camera doesn’t suddenly unlock all the secrets of the world to them. They’re just people. 

Then again, why should I criticize someone for being star-struck. They’re still holding onto that thrill, that magic. If the world needs anything, it’s probably a little more magic. So keep pumping out your stars, Hollywood. Keep infusing this world with that particular brand of excitement that only you can create.

“Plankers are wankers.”

Appearing in segments was one of the best parts about working on Attack of the Show. I think deep down inside everyone wants to be talent. There’s just something about having a camera focused on you. Maybe it’s the sense of validation that comes from having an entire studio supporting you. Maybe it’s the distant idea that thousands of people have their eyes glued to your image on a tv screen. Whatever it is, it’s addicting.

Of course, I’d probably have to slap on 40 pounds of muscle to have any chance of pursuing that type of Hollywood dream, not to mention the thousands spent on clothes, hair, and tanning. For now, I suppose I could use a bit more GTL. In pursuit of the bro bro lifestyle. 

Cinespia.

An event that really could only happen in Hollywood, Cinespia is a film screening in the the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. It starts with a desperate search for parking and ends with a desperate battle through traffic (more or less like any LA event), but the middle is very much worth it.

At it’s core, Cinespia is a social experience, a prolonged picnic in the middle of a graveyard. I’ve yet to make it through the movie portion, usually falling asleep 45 minutes in, but the selection is great (or so bad that it’s great): we were able to see Evil Dead 2 and Flash Gordon.

Definitely one of the better ways to spend a saturday night. 

No babies…

Did Consolidated Disposal Service tag all of their dumpsters with “NO BABIES”, or was this the handiwork of some individual with a decidedly dark sense of humor? 

For the sake of this post, let’s just assume it was an individual. And it’s that sense of expression, however dark, that makes LA such a great place. Yes, many surfaces in the city are covered with gang tags, but that’s part of LA’s allure.

Venturing to Mission Viejo—South of LA and the safest city in the United States—everything is clean and well-kept but also terribly boring. The buildings all look the same. The houses all look the same (apparently some residential areas require you to have a white picket fence). There’s a decided lack of individuality and personality to the ultra-suburb.

LA is different. You sacrifice the freshly paved roads and perfectly manicured lawns, but you gain a sense of personality that makes that sacrifice completely aceptable. Complain all you want about gang tags and grafitti. These are the things that make LA great. 

Some people are artists.

In the course of this internship, I’ve met other interns who are vastly superior to me in many things. That, however, is quite a good thing.

Generally I believe that everyone is dealt a relatively similar stack of chips in this life. That is, I believe that everyone has the potential to become as knowledgeable or creative or socially adept as anyone else (barring crippling circumstances in their lives or simple laziness). We all simply choose to bet our chips differently, and this divergence in betting patterns is driven by passions. 

So if I encounter an especially adept artist, such as the guy who drew this birthday card over the course of an hour, why become envious or bitter towards that talent? Meeting someone better than you presents a great opportunity to learn, and people are always willing to teach you if it means their talents will be showcased and applauded. Additionally, assuming you were indeed the best at everything, what would drive you? What would wake you up in the morning and draw you in with the hope of advancement and new discovery? 

LA has taught me not to become envious of those skills that I don’t possess. What it has taught me, however, is to become hungry for them. Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Sometimes you just have to dress like a cat in LA. 

I suppose one of the biggest things I’m starting to discover about LA—and I’m sure this applies to the world in general, also—is that boldness is the key ingredient for success. If you worry too much about looking stupid, about being rejected, about being mocked, you’ll paralyze yourself and your aspirations. 

Looking at those people who do seem to be breakout successes, this statement seems to resonate true. Who ever dominated their field or their life by timidly pursuing their goals or their desires? Nice guys do indeed finish last, but only if that niceness is seasoned with a fair dose of timidity.

I suppose what I’m saying is dress like a cat every once in a while. You’ll look stupid, yes. Pressing the boundaries of your boldness, however, discovering and expanding them, that’s enough payment for me. Meow.

In-N-Out Burger. Wouldn’t it be nice if they didn’t exist only on the West Coast? There’s a lot of debate over whether they taste better than a Five Guys Burger. Honestly, I can’t taste much of a difference, which is a clear advantage to In-N-Out considering they’re about half the price. 

Scientifically, In-N-Out has the advantage, too. A recent study by Consumer Reports crowned the exclusively West Coast burger spot as the best fast food chain in the nation. While the study was based on a variety of factors in addition to taste, these results seem to confirm that In-N-Out can hold it’s own against it’s more expensive rival, Five Guys.

All this is to say that there are a lot of things I enjoy/am going to miss about California. It’s also a nice segue into the things I’m not going to miss about California, or should I say Hollywood. Having ventured into areas of Southern California not dominated by Hollywood players, I’ve noticed a distinct difference in the attitudes and motivations of the residents. Many of the people I’ve met in Hollywood are completely driven to climb the ranks as quickly as possible, treading on the heads of those who might offer them footing and viciously lashing out at those who might sabotage their chances for advancement. In this way, it’s often hard to trust anyone that you encounter for fear that their sincere interest in you is just a facade for some attempt to extract an advantage that you might have to offer them.   

So concludes part 1 of this rant. More to come shortly.

So that whole posting every day thing pretty much turned into posting every week or so. Working 5 days a week at 10 hrs a day starts to wear on ya after a month or so, I guess. So, blogging hasn’t been at the top of the priority list. But to remain faithful to the whole spirit of this thing, here’s an update. 

Key events: tired as a dog always. Losing my fascination with celebrities. Missing Maria. 

Stream of consciousness kinda stuff happening right now, but maybe that’s a good way to write, all Sound and the Fury-esque. Part of me does regret not utilizing this enough, because there are a lot of memories that I’d rather not forget. Good intentions!

Sometimes you get to talk to Kevin Smith while dressed up as AXL Rose Chewbacca, and you think that LA is the greatest place in the world. Other times you miss what you left behind, and suddenly LA becomes a little less grand. Here’s hoping for more Chewbacca days. And really, who couldn’t use a little more wookie. 

PS: My goal is to blog 4 consecutive days this week. It seems like there’s a lot of writing to be done in this world, so I might as well get good at it. 

The life of an intern: wheeling around cakes of naked men while dressed as a bear. Welcome to Thunderdome!